From the age when I began to think, there were a lot of boring things in my mind.
During the childhood I was not glad because my objects of desire could not be satisfied.
When I was a teenager, my family was poor because there were 6 brothers and sisters plus the wrong policies carried out by the ruler. It was impossible to meet our need of the necessary materials. The food was simple and there were little white flour and rice. Seeing the cate, I could not resist its temptation and my coveting was difficult to cover. Clothes made of native cloth by hand made me look small-town and it was hard for me to feel self-confident. I began to do physical work since the early age and my craving for playing was not satisfied, having to be always careful of not being blamed by the grown-ups.
As I was growing, I began to have some spiritual need, f.g. to wish to show off. I taught myself the art and appeared on the stage once in a while. My achievement in the sport was so so, but I was active in the sports meet, never getting award.
After I entered the university, the distress often hit my heart because of my responsibility. I had to suffer from the psychological press because I was still the burden of the parents. I was anxious to earn money and become economically independent.
After the graduation from the university I was sent to the countryside, which made me feeling the pain in the heart. This was because some of my classmates entered the city and the administration office directly, which made me feel dropping behind.
When I started to be employed I began to design my career aim and read the classical works. I was wondering whether I could reach the target in the future and was often worried that I would live the whole life indifferently.
I was attacked by someone else before I got to know why. The jealous poison arrows were fired at me every now and then, which had been described in the previous parts: Eight Years in Mapo and Ten Years in Zhengji. It’s unnecessary to write about it again.
After the baptism of the Cultural Revolution I had always been holding the view
that the peace was the most precious. It was a good luck to work together with
my colleague and I treasured it very much. I held the honest attitude toward
anybody, esp. in Pengda whenI held the position of a dean in charge of a
department. Most of the teachers were younger than me.I regarded them as
my younger brothers or sisters and looked upon those who were a lot younger
than me as my next generation. I saw their advantages and respected them,
esp. those who were just like my left and right arms, helping me a lot. I thought
that I was sure to become old and retire in the near future and created some
conditions for them to go forward with the department. Unlucky, I was blamed
for not helping them to achieve their purpose whole heartedly by those I believed
in. In the back some fired a cold arrow at me, cheating other people. The ancient
Chinese had a lot of experience in preventing others from attacking. There were
a lot of idioms and proverbs warning the people to guard against the flunky.
A book “Ancient Favorite Saying and Proverbs”, collecting a lot of alarm sentences
and warning the posterity, such as “One shouldn’t have the mind to harm
others, but must be vigilant so as not to be harmed.”; “The mind of the flunky
is easy to change, just like the valley stream easy to rise and to dry out.”; “A human’s
mind is unsure of no poison and there are hidden thorns under the flower branches
and leaves.”; “You can paint the tiger’s skin but cannot its bones and you can get
to know a person’s face but not his or her mind.” What Confucius said was more
impressive, “The human being’s mind is more dangerous than mountains and rivers,
and it is hard to know than the heaven. The weather has four seasons and a day has
the morning and night. The face and emotion of the human being is thick and deep.
As a result, some people look honest but in fact he or she is proud and feels full;
some people seem like a veteran but in fact he or she is corrupted at heart; some
appeared restrained but anxious at heart and he or she understand the reason and
logic; some are firm in appearance but slack in fact; some appear relaxed but determined
in his or her heart. So they are chasing after “love and loyalty” just like being thirsty,
but get rid of them just like escaping them as if getting away from the fire.”
Most of the cautions mentioned above were read by me after the retirement. However,
the sentence “One shouldn’t have the mind to harm others, but must be vigilant so as
not to be harmed.” was familiar with all my eldership illiterates. For a very long time
I had been wondering that “One shouldn’t have the mind to harm others” had the
subjective tendency and was easy to perform. I persisted in abiding by the principle
of not speaking malicious remarks on others in the behind, esp. not badmouthing
someone to the leader. But I had been wondering how to be vigilant so as not to
be harmed. However, I keep in mind that I should never have a braid. i.e.
the offence taken advantage of by someone to attack me. I never forgot what
Chen Yi in his poet said, “No stretching out your hand for something not belonging
to you, or you would be sure to be seized.”, which was meant by being vigilant.
Therefore, when I took charge of the financial department I did not take care of
the financial affairs at all, letting the deputy dean in charge, including endorsing
invoices. I took what I should, known to the public.
Just when all of us English teachers were separated from the financial department to establish the foreign language department, the new dean of the financial department began to rise in revolt, wanting to swallow ￥200,000 reserve and attacking the policy shaped when I was the dean. This woman was a rascal. She used to be in charge of the accounting of the department and there were some dark incomes I knew and the deputy dean had told me. She also suggested them to me. Now she became the new head of the financial department and did not mention the dark account at all, swearing how clean she was and wanting to occupy the dark income as her own. I had seen some shameless woman, but had never seen such a shameless woman. In her eyes, it was difficult for me to provide the evidence of the dark income and she was able not to admit rascally. Facing such a woman, I took the method of “repaying the resentment with the truth”. You boxed my ears, I could not beat you with my fist, but I could spit in the eyes of you, which was not overdone. Because you stroke me, I got very angry. At least, you have abused me and I will never pay attention to you, is it OK? All that mentioned above is what is called “repaying the resentment with the truth”. What the bad woman had done made my colleagues angry and they asked me to beat back. An old teacher drafted out a letter to the leader of the school, I chaired the meeting and it was passed through, asking the school leader to interfere with the affairs between the two departments. The woman’s behavior was obviously too bad, so that the school head did not show any good face to her, asking to freeze the reserve of the department, and hand it in to the financial office of the school，meeting our desire completely. She took charge of the financial affairs of the department and decided to distribute money among the financial teachers in private when she heard the English teachers would establish a new department, hooking them in. The amount of the reserve was decreased and she told a lie that they had bought some furniture. The school head was a boor and did not look into the affairs in detail, saying that the reserve would be mainly used by the foreign language department, making her wishful thinking go by the board.
Before the original financial department was divided into two, the bad woman had the intention to distribute part of the reserve to the financial teachers, improving their loyalty to her. She had never thought that her opponent was gathering her material, threatening her with full exposure. When attacking others, she had never thought of her scar being unveiled by somebody else. It was that woman who had asked an English teacher to replace her to attend an English exam, acquiring the master’s degree and the qualification to apply for associate professor. Her opponent discovered her shameful deed to almost all the offices by an anonymous letter.
It was not long before I fell from the motorcycle and broke my right thighbone and I began to rest at home. Although I had beaten back seriously I felt indignant for a quite long time. Remembering the years I had spent, I had such a feeling that a lot of annoyance and distress had accompanied me all along.
I didn’t have free time until I retired. Since then, thanks to the electronic tools I had touch with a lot of books dealing with life preservation, balancing myself. Xun Zi’s said in a book: When a gentleman fights against a villain, what is worried about is that it will forget himself; concerning his family, forget his own family members; concerning the superior, forget his own monarch; more mistakes, aren’t they? Using the famous sharp dagger produced by Gufu to cut cow dungs. Is it clever? No more foolish than it; Is it beneficial? No more harmful than it; Is it glorious? No more shameful than it; Is it safe? No more dangerous than it.
And Chan/Zen Buddhism attracted me also. A human being in the world, who does not want to live his or her life vulgarly, must strive all along. But you must take care because when you achieve something you want, there appear some flunkies, esp. those whose shoulders used to be as tall as yours, who will feel uncomfortable. There is an ancient book called I Ching (Book of Changes), which divided one’s life into several phases. The six phases are represented by six Chinese characters: latent (dragon), present (dragon), vigilant (dragon), leap (dragon), flying (dragon) and excessive (dragon). The first phase “latent” means that nobody knows you. The second phase “present” indicates that you begin to appear and perform. The third phase “vigilant” tells you that you should be take care now. Because you have achieved some success and have performed some faults as well, your performance will arouse even intense jealousy among your colleagues. The fourth phase “leap” means that you get to a higher new level and will be flying in the sky, becoming a flying dragon, self-actualization. The last phase “excessive” tells you that you should be somewhat conservative and quit when you are ahead. Now I realized when I suffered from the attack by the woman, my career of teaching and research reached the top indeed.
In 2000, when I was 50 years old, my family and my career were developed smoothly, not saying “in the full flush of success”, at least I could say that I had reached the aim laid down when I began to be employed by working hard for decades. Now the season to harvest was coming. The first son Li Song graduated from Southeast University and was employed in the security bureau of Xuzhou and married on Oct. 30 of 1999. The second son Liangliang Song graduated from Yanshan University in 1997, and was enrolled as a graduate by Beijing University of Aeronautics and Astronautics. Meilan Zhang, my wife, had acquired the qualification of an associate professor assessed by the provincial high-rank judge committee. Especially, I acquired the professorship in June of 2000, which could be described as “sitting pretty”. I got ready to make great efforts for five years until I got the age of 60 and put a good end to my teaching career. According to what I Ching (Book of Changes) said and the standard being not very high, I had brought “leap” into reality. At that time, most of the young and middle-aged teachers in the department were under the stress of the scientific research, passing the English and computer examinations because they were the presupposition of their professional titles. Some individual transferred his or her anger to me, the direct superior who was smooth in acquiring the professional title. Such an emotion was used by the bad woman. In my opinion, I had done my best to support and help them, however there was someone who was not satisfied, and jealous of my performance inevitably. Just as a folk poet said, “The heaven is difficult in meeting its duty in April. Silkworm needs moderation but wheat cold degree in temperature. The traveler looks forward to a fine but the peasant a rainy day. The lady who picks up mulberry leaves, however, wishes a cloudy sky.” The common people in my hometown Nantong said about the daughter-in-law’s difficulty in preparing the meal for the family, “Father-in-law wants to eat wonton and mother-in-law noodle, but the child bride trickled pastry soup.” Therefore, a lot of people suffer from such a complaint and I should be able to endure. It is not strange that some people who are of poor quality betray your trust in order to obtain his or her private interest. Among the big people, such as the relationship between Sun Yat-sen and Chen Jiongmin and that between Mao Zedong and Lin Biao, originally they were intimate comrades in arms and later became the relationship between life-and-death enemies. Meilan Zhang had a village fellow of the same surname who worked in Weinan District of Shanxi Province and was promoted to a rank equal to a head of a county. His daughter chatted to us that a subordinate of her father became her father’s strongest opponent who was promoted by her father, which made her father very angry.
I did not regret my behavior at all. I felt lucky that I was not hindered by the envy from the flunky. I thought of the simple method of not leaving any braid to be grasped by anybody as a good measure. Hong Yingmin, living in the Ming Dynasty, wrote a book called “Cai Gen Tan”, within which there were a lot of sentences with wisdom. When it mentioned “One shouldn’t have the mind to harm others, but must be vigilant so as not to be harmed”, it said the sentence reminding those who were not vigilant enough. It is tiring when you guard against others every day and if you are too careful it is difficult for you to make friends. Therefore, Cai Gen Tan added the other sentence: “You would rather be cheated than always guard against other’s cheat, which reminds those who are too vigilant. If you are attacked by a flunky it is unnecessary always to keep in mind. Those who can endure the mischance are tough guys; those who are not envied by others are commonplace. Let flunkies yap alongside. Those who are master-hand, should bring their efforts into full play and let those who are jealous of you feel the taste of “having to yield under other’s eave”.
The distress and trouble I have met during my career are not worth mentioning compared with those who suffered dreadful disaster. I have a happy family (it will be described in detail in the next section), the genes parents passed down to me are healthy. By accumulating the reading, I got to know a lot and by putting it into practice, I have achieved a reward, which is very satisfying. After the retirement I should give up all that had happened in the past and all that could not be changed. All the annoyances are not difficult to get rid of and it is unnecessary to make use of the power of the religion and the god, or to use the fortified measure (such as pray or sit cross-legged) in order to get relaxed. What Mr. Liang Zhuge said “Calm in your mind can cultivate your moral character”, “If you want to study, your mind must calm down”, “Peace in your mind ensures your insight into the future.” All the sentences above have flowed into my blood and entered my cells. Any fame, gain and glory cannot produce temptation to me. I persist in doing what I like, which is called “adhering to what is thought of as right and fulfilling the aspiration”. Being calm in mind means doing away with all the interference andcope with every problem in a calm emotion, easing and solving it and avoiding causing new worries. Laying down means the past notion does not remain in your mind and the future notion is not welcomed ahead of time. Overcoming notion makes you become a saint or a Buddha. Have a deep sleep and comfortable rest every day and use you head and you can read and write, aiming at the desired effect. Cool temperament, relaxed emotion and eased up spirit can bring your immune system into full play, benefitting your health in body and soul so that you begin to enter the happiest period of your life. All has been past! Grief and distress gone away, no worry brings you the most happiness.
Nov. 12 of 2011 in Chicago
Proofreading on April 16 of 2012 in Chicago
Second proofreading on Dec 31 2018 in Fenghuayuan
Uploading on Aug. 8 of 2023 in Xuzhou
