It took us two years from June of 1988, when we submit our written transfer report, to the summer vacation of 1990, when we achieved the success of the whole transfer. In the summer of 1989, Li Song took the college examination for the first time and his score was not enough to be enrolled in the senior college with the gap of two points. He wanted to stay in the ZMS to review and take the entrance examination for a second time. Liangliang Song was reading Junior Grade Three. Their mother taught in the Institute of Economic Management and could come home on the weekend and stay at home on Wednesdays as well, looking after the two kids, which lessened my burden. After a year’s hard work, the two kids were enrolled into the ideal schools, which was pleasant and admired by other families. However, it was just between the autumn of 1989 and the summer of 1990, our family came upon the most difficult things. The twins of good and bad fortunes came to us one after another.
Shortly after Meilan Zhang began to work in the Institute of Economic Management, her mother fell down on account of cerebral hemorrhage. We must spend some time caring for her, arranging for her to enter a hospital and looking after her in the hospital. When mother was moved home, Zhang had to come to Zhengji and to Pipa Hill (her mother’s home) as well. Going back and forth tired her out. I had lessons every day and cooked food three times a day, being kept busy all the time. In November of 1989, Mother passed away. Tiredness and Grief caused Zhang’s health to become weak. First, her stomachache attacked, suffering intense pain. The unluckiest was that she herself found a small tumor in her right breast. We began to think confusedly, worrying it was a malignant one. We went to the hospital on the state expense, seeing a doctor, called Longjun Xu, who used to work also in Mapo and Zhengji. We were glad to see each other and he let Zhang go to No 2 Hospital to have a puncture examination. Punctuation and biopsy was very quick. The doctor, called Feng, stung a thin nail into the breast, absorbed some tissues, observed them under the microscope and write CA on the medical certificate, which we realized at once stood for “cancer”. This diagnosis made us caught unprepared. We returned to Xu to inquire the treatment plan. Xu said that Feng was skillful at diagnosing malignant tumors. The head of the Zhengji Hospital was diagnosed as having a cancer by him. The head did not believe it and went to a hospital in Tianjin, where his diagnosis was denied. Later on the head proved to suffer from a cancer and therefore delayed the treatment. What Xu said caused us think that the tumor might lead to the danger if we didn’t get it away right now.
I first went to the Institute of Economic Management, telling the bad news to the leader of the department, and asking for leave to treat. Then I talked with Xu about the operation. I could not imagine going to Shanghai or Beijing because two kids were in Zhengji , facing the two entrance examinations, and I could not leave them alone. I didn’t want to tell somebody else, no matter how severe the difficulty was, which was my personality. I went to Zhengji and entrusted two kids to Lishun Jiang, who used to be one of my students in Mapo mentioned earlier, and now was also an English teacher in the ZMS. I asked him to buy meals for my two kids from the school canteen, take care of them in the evening because I had to look after their mother in the hospital.
Doctor Xu invited his teacher from the No. 2 Hospital and I arranged for a lunch in a restaurant after the operation. I asked the two heads of Zhang’s department to accompany them and I stayed besides the hospital bed. At that time, I was poverty-stricken, with little money in my pocket. Transferring into the city, we had no apartment to live in. The house reform did not start but a new method came into being. Employees of the Institute of the Economic Management took part in the project, buying an apartment aided by the school. We decided to join in and bought an apartment in the sixth floor, which cost us 13000 yuan. All our saving deposits amounted to 7000 yuan (our anural income 1400 yuan in Zhengji) and there was no mortgage then. We owned 3000 yuan from Zhang’s brother, and 3000 yuan from the “labour union” of the ZMS, accordingly for the first time we were having a burden of debt, which we were not used to. I had no money to pay for the meal and thought of national debt of hundreds of yuan, which was not mature. I drew it from the bank ahead of time, losing some interest, and handed to Doctor Xu to make meal reservation for me.
After the operation I brought her right bubby to the pathology room of the Xuzhou Medical College. The next day I got the result, saying that it was not a breast cancer. It was a very good thing for us, but made us, especially me, very sad. The operation proved to be unnecessary. One doctor told me not to regret, because the rumor in it was not good in the future, which might experience pathological changes. In addition, it was not 100 percent right what the medical college said. I went to tell Feng the result of the pathology, who held on his own view. Inside there was another senior doctor who put the two sheets of glass under the microscope and observed, saying the same words that the rumor was a malignant one. Their view made me not know how to cure next step. If it was malignant, chemotherapy should be adopted. If it was benign, we could go home without any therapy. Who could help me to make the decision? Feng said, “If you do not believe me, you can ask my teacher” He only told me his teacher was Liu and worked in Shanghai Tumor Hospital. How could I find time to go to Shanghai to find the authority Liu?
When I met difficulties, I had to trouble my friend, who worked in Shanghai. Naiyun Cao used to be our classmate in NJU, and my town fellow as well. Whether when we were studying together or after the graduation we were good friends and kept in touch with each other. Now he was a German teacher in Shanghai East China Normal University (ECNU) and it was a difficult job for him to find Doctor Liu in the Tumor Hospital. Cao received my letter and found some marks of tears, which caused him to believe that I was too sad when writing the letter. He used his brains and thought of one of his uncles, who had a lot of friends in the medical field. The uncle replied that he knew Liu and made an appointment to visit him with Cao. One day they went to Liu’s home and handed him the two test glasses I had sent Cao. Liu observed under the microscope and said, “I have a hope that the patient does not trouble my student, who has made a mistake. It is breast lobule hyperplasia instead of breast cancer.” Getting this diagnosis, Cao set his mind at rest and wrote me letter, telling us not to take it to heart, and asking us to accept it as if Meilan had bumped upon a vehicle.
I was utterly exhausted from overwork and anxiety during the period. Two kids were not able to take care of themselves, esp. Liangliang Song, who was only 14 years old. Without being looked after, he suffered from a very bad cold. In the late afternoon I went to Zhengji to ask a doctor to have an intravenous drip and the next morning I went to the city to look after Meilan Zhang. When I was in Xuzhou, I was thinking of two kids, while in Zhengji, my sick wife. The bus and train tickets formed a suit of playing cards. Zhang lived in the hospital for 20 days and we moved to the small room borrowed from Zhang’s friend, Yunpei Feng.
What happened to us was flying to Nantong. My elder brother brought his second daughter, Guohong, to help us, which was sending charcoal in snowy weather. I let Guhong stay in Zhengji to look after her two brothers, so that I could concentrate my mind upon tending Zhang. When she recovered basically we went to Zhengji and lived together again. The disaster passed and we could go all out and prepared for the entrance examination the two kids would take in July. The terrible time lasted almost one month, I rejoiced that the emotions of our two kids experienced little injury. After the summer vacation, all the four members of my family went to work or study in different places: Meilan Zhang taught in the Institute of Economic Management, I went to Pengda to work, Li Song became a student of Southeast University and Liangliang Song went to No 1 Middle School by bike. We were glad that Liangliang Song could come home for lunch and be under our care during the three years of senior grades. Recalling my own past, I felt the pain of living independently too early. He was too young and when he read in the senior grades, he was as old as us in the junior grades. So we should do our best to avoid his independence too early.
The disaster passed, but I have been keeping and will be keeping the operation on Zhang in my mind, which cannot disappear. Poet Juyi Bai during Tang Dynasty said in one of his poems, “There was cause why luck and misfortune happened to you, you should try your best to find it but it’s unnecessary for you to worry about it.” This was a wrong mistake I made during the time when I was deeply troubled. Being deeply troubled was an excuse in order to excuse myself. The root of the mistake came from my personality. I had always considered my resolution as one of my advantages, which in fact caused me to make the big mistake. I got to realize that the slow rhythm, sometimes though only half a beat, could avoid a mistake. If I let another doctor of another hospital have another puncture examination and let the sheet of glass be sent to Beijing or Shanghai, the undeserved operation might be avoided. It was lucky that the operation did not leave a severe sequela and both of us did not blame each other so that it didn’t have big influence on our life. However, the scar could not be done away from my mind. It was 20 years when I was writing this section. I was afraid of describing my emotion on the way to the pathology room of the Xuzhou Medical College and had never told anybody about it. Let it pass over, which I don’t want to continue to afflict me. Let the reader imagine what I was feeling at that time. I had to chatter in my heart. Lay down what cannot be changed. The ancient said, “While regretting the misstep in the past, you should also guard against the demerit in the days to come.” I would remember the lesson forever and try to prevent the unnecessary mistake in the future.
Jan. 30 of 2010 in Xuzhou
Proofreading on Feb. 21 of 2012 in Chicago
Uploading on Aug. 5 of 2023 in Xuzhou
